President to speak ex cathedra
Thanks to a deal cut yesterday by the Trinity of McCain, Warner, and Graham, our supreme pontiff President Bush will now be able to speak ex cathedra on matters of interrogation and torture.
According to an editorial ("The Abuse Can Continue") in this morning's Washington Post, President Bush will be vested with the power to proclaim THE correct and true interpretations the Geneva Conventions, especially when consulted for guidance by officials of the Inquis-- uh, I mean the CIA. All faithful Americans will assent to said interpretations on pain of being severed from the Communion of the Patriotic.
We can expect these interpretations to become a righteous Malleum captivorum ("Hammer against the detainees," for those of you who don't read Latin) against suspects everywhere...especially those being held in secret places:
Mr. Bush, as he made clear yesterday, intends to continue using the CIA to secretly detain and abuse certain terrorist suspects. He will do so by issuing his own interpretation of the Geneva Conventions in an executive order and by relying on questionable Justice Department opinions that authorize such practices as exposing prisoners to hypothermia and prolonged sleep deprivation.Said Sen. John McCain, the deal "gives the President the tools that he needs."